*SATIRE* Debate follows pro-life campaign

by | Sep 13, 2018 | Uncategorized

– Jory Proft

A group of fetal-actors are outraged over the hiring of an eight-year-old actor in an upcoming pro-life campaign.

The decision has provoked a conversation in the performing arts community over whether hiring child actors is unfair to hard-working fetuses trying to make it in the business.

“It’s already hard enough to find good roles for fetuses, but competing against these already-established actors is career feticide.” said Abe Ortion, a representative of the SUGMA.

Ortion believes that the industry’s history of casting grown adults to play high school students has directly led to the trend of grown children being recruited for fetal roles.

The performer worries that these castings will create unrealistic expectations and body positivity issues for fetal actors. He believes if these parts keep going to older and older actors, people are going to lose sight of what fetuses really look like.

“Fetuses aren’t flawless, put-together kids with a full head of hair – we’re still coming into our own at this stage in our lives! Some of us don’t even have fullyformed arms or legs yet … heck, some of us are still embryos,” said Ortion.

Hollywood has seen its fair share of fetal performers struggle under the pressure of this competitive business – many actors not even living to see their second trimester. Ortion tells us he feels the competitive stress everyday that passes in his womb.

“My mom said if I don’t work on my line delivery, I won’t see my own delivery,” he said.

Although most fetuses’ eyes are fused shut until nearly the third trimester, Ortion believes that industry bigwigs are the ones that need to open their eyes to this problem.

“People may say I’m a dreamer, but fetuses actually cannot dream until around 28 weeks. I think there’s an easy solution to this problem that Hollywood is not willing to fix … I’m just tired of seeing so many fetal actor’s careers ended prematurely,” said Ortion.

You can see Abe Ortion in the upcoming Terminator prequel where he plays a fetal John Connor.

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