*SATIRE* Adam & Eve’s offspring at play

by | Sep 13, 2018 | Uncategorized

– Jory Proft

Historians, alongside pornography academics, have found similarities between the early stories of incest found in the Bible, and the popularity of today’s incestuous roleplay porn.

A recent archeological excavation recovered a large collection of incest porn produced by the adult children of Adam and Eve. The creations featured stone tablet etchings, painted pottery, beadwork, and many other mediums. Some of civilization’s earliest metal work was also found in the collection; created by the couple’s first-born, murderous, metal smith son, Cain.

The most intricate and well-preserved piece’s title was translated to, Brother Cain Tricks Sister Into Sex While Parents Are Away From Dwelling – drawing similarities to the work done in modern ‘Fauxcest’ porn. A 2018 production titled, Brother Tricks Step-Sister Into Sex While Parents Aren’t Home, features a nearly-identical plot, as do many films in this category.

Fauxcest porn refers to a genre of adult-filmmaking centred on performers role-playing as family members and engaging in sexual acts together. The genre has exploded recently with searches for “Step Mom”, “Step Sister”, and “Mom” all being included in Pornhub’s top 10 most-searched terms of 2017; two of which sit in the Top 5.

And the discovery of Adam and Eve’s descendants’ adult work has only proven to provoke an even further growth in simulated-incest productions.

Since the public release of the Biblical incest porn, “930 year old dad”, “55 sibling orgy”, and “Sodom and Gomorrah” were the most-searched terms on Pornhub in September 2018. The searches show a direct correlation between the recent archeological findings and 2018’s desire for inter-family relations, as Adam was said to have lived to 930 years old, and had 55 children.

The artifacts have even shook up the LGBTQ+ porn scene due to pieces depicting acts between Adam and Eve’s 33 sons, and between their 22 daughters. “Adam and Steve” has become one of most-searched items on many gay porn sites as of September 2018.

Although controversial, sermons across the world have been incorporating these findings and audience attendance has been increasing.

“Finally a way to relate the stories of early-Christianity to the fast-moving world that we’ve been waiting for at the church,” said a preacher.

While tablet-users only represented nine per cent of Pornhub’s site visitors in 2017, the numbers have risen to nearly 30 per cent. It is believed that since stone tablets of the time were used to etch the incestous acts, porn “purists” recognized that viewing Fauxcest videos on modern tablets was the best way to consume this media.

“Music-lovers prefer to listen to their favourite artists on vinyl. We think tablets are the way early Biblical figures would have wanted us to enjoy their work,” said the moderator of The Porn Purists Facebook group.

The effect these recent discoveries have had on the adult film industry has been substantial and is continually growing.

“Porn watching Christians are now able to relate to the teachings of divine creation as the serpent could represent the taboo allure of Fauxcest porn and the Forbidden Fruit would be the viewer’s family member,” said the preacher.

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