“One-Quarter Coca-Cola”

by | Sep 27, 2019 | Arts & Life, Uncategorized

By Eli O’Donnell

Well, folks, another summer comes to an end. Over this summer I spent most of my time hiding in the backwoods of [REDACTED] after accidentally [CONTENT REMOVED] which inevitably caused the [DATA EXPUNGED]. Now that I’m back in the city, needless to say, I’m excited about some good old fast food. It’s quick, it’s cheap and it’s something they don’t have in [E̸̞̹̦̗̻̳͈̲͇͈͐̍̎̈́̈̾̆͛̇R̶͍̲͔̪̹͔̯̰̼͓͒̐͌͋̆̐R̴̨̦̰͆̋̀̿̃̕O̴͓͖͔̗͔̹͖̒̅R̴̨͈͖͕̰̺͇̰̅̑̓̎̈̓̂̕͝]. For our very first Conspiracy Corner back to school, were going to be talking about food.

The Warren Buffet Diet
Being back in Edmonton it looks like I should start putting on some extra pounds in preparation for winter. To help me get there, I figured I’ll follow the everyday diet of billionaire philanthropist Warren Buffett. Claiming he eats no vegetables and drinks no alcohol, Buffett says he drinks at least 5 cans of Coca-Cola products a day, mostly cherry-coke. His diet also takes advantage of a lot of other food and beverage companies he has stock in, like McDonald’s, Dairy Queen and Ben and Jerry’s. At this point you wonder, could Buffett be lying about his diet to try and appeal to the everyday person? Couldn’t be, not someone who is “one-quarter Coca-Cola” (his words, not mine).

Coca Cola changes their recipe in 1970


Coke, old new Coke and new Coke classic
Speaking of Cola, this isn’t the first time the soft drink has been at the heart of some sort of scandal. Back in the year 1985, Coca-Cola hatched a plan to switch out the ingredients of its signature drink with cheaper, more cost-effective ingredients. To do this they had to be sneaky. In preparation for the secret switch, Coke launched a drink called New Coke which completely changed the original formula and caused consumers to become angry. So angry in fact that they demanded they turned coke back to the way it used to be. When they reintroduced the so-called “classic” formula which was actually the new, cheaper version. Coke was later quoted, saying “We’re not that dumb, and we’re not that smart.”

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