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Blood Drive Snack Tier List

By Stephanie Swensrude

From salty to sweet, there is something at your local blood drive for everyone. I took it upon myself to rate every prepackaged package of blood-sugar-jumpin’ goodness.

I arrived at the blood donation centre. As I filled out my life story on the questionnaire (no, I did not spend more than six months in Syria in 1996, seeing as I told you in the first question that I was born in 1998) and I munched on a full-size bag of Lay’s chips! Next, I moved onto the other salty snack, some regular pretzels.

The nice ladies took my hard-earned, now sugar filled, delicious blood away to another room. I was feeling incredibly woozy so I stumbled over to the snacks to get my blood sugar back to an acceptable level.

I took my first helping of cookies. Not bad. As I went back for my fourth and fifth, I noticed the volunteers staring at me. (LET ME HAVE THE SNACKS!) It’s for journalism, dammit!

I finished off the afternoon with the worst coffee I’ve ever had. Remembering I hadn’t registered my parking, I ran outside to see if my car was being towed. Phew! See you in 56 days!

S TIER:

Sesame snaps: I was very intrigued by the more savoury-sweet addition to the roster. Very interesting. Umami. Points for being unexpected. If the blood drive snacks were a family, sesame snaps would be the cool aunt who only flies in from Paris for Christmas each year.

Pretzels: Finished the whole bag. Classic, salty, fun, stimulating to eat!

A TIER:

Fruit creme cookies: Went in with low expectations but thoroughly enjoyed them! Very sugary, interesting mix of textures.

B TIER:

Orange juice box: Doesn’t get much better than this baby!

C TIER:

Oreos: Classic. Can’t go wrong. Not much to say here.

SHIT TIER/D TIER:

M&M Cookies: Awful. So soft and soggy. I went in with such high expectations and my dreams were ruined.

Lay’s Original Chips: TRASH! Bland, oily, couldn’t even finish the bag. Terrible.

Coffee: TERRIBLE. Weak. 1/10

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