In an attempt to address the long-running practice of students maliciously setting off fire alarms during final examinations, NAIT has recently installed new, state of the art fire alarms that can only be activated by students with a cumulative grade point average (GPA) of 3.5 and above.
The new fire alarms have an integrated fingerprint and retinal scanner that would enable it to immediately search the academic records of the NAIT student attempting to set off the alarm.
“Look, we all know that students who actually study for their exams have no reason to set off the alarms. If you’re willing to ruin it for everybody, you’re probably about to fail that damned exam,” says Nate Ookman, Facilities Administrator, to explain the grade requirement.
Ookman adds that he is not worried at all when an actual fire does occur because NAIT “produces hundreds of 3.5 GPA students.”
“I mean, have you been to LinkedIn? Basically every single NAIT student there has posted their Dean’s Honour Roll certificate at least four times. It’s kind of annoying, really. ‘Oooh look at me, I’m smart.’ Dude, no one cares. Anyway, there’s no shortage of qualified people to set off the alarm.”
NAIT Protective Services welcomed this development that is intended to minimize distractions during the crucial final exam season when students are most vulnerable to stress and emotional breakdowns.
A Protective Services staff member who wanted to remain anonymous provided more context. “We used to be able to catch these pranksters through CCTV, but they’ve gotten creative,” he says. According to the staff member, budget cuts have impacted the CCTV recording storage.
“Our CCTVs can no longer record because they had to renovate a [expletive] washroom in T building. So someone has to watch these camera feeds all the time. All these pranksters have to do is deliver a box of donuts to us just before they set off the alarm.”
The installation of the new fire alarms is being done in phases and is expected to be completed by the end of 2026. As of now, only the CAT building has the alarms fully installed. According to Ookman, the alarms in CAT were prioritized because the building is a hot spot for false alarms.
“I mean, when was the last time you heard this sort of thing happening in the other buildings? Nah, only business students do this [expletive].”
Feature image by Alleah Boisvert
