“Never meet your heroes,” a saying sometimes attributed to French novelist Marcel Proust, refers to the disappointment one feels upon discovering that a person whom they admire turns out to be unworthy of the pedestal they are placed on.
I did meet my hero and idol. And, in disregard to Mr. Proust’s warning, I found it to be a happy event at that time. What I did not know was that this same hero would later fall from grace in the worst way possible.
I met Neil Gaiman 20 years ago during an autograph-signing event. He was a rising star in the literary world—an author who first gained fame through his deliberately themed graphic novels. I was fascinated by both the transcendental themes in his stories and the biting social commentary woven throughout. His work on the popular “Sandman” series provided me the push that I did not know I needed towards critical thinking and intellectual maturity. I idolized him. At my old home back in Manila, I even have an entire shelf dedicated to my Neil Gaiman book collection, many of which are hardbound first editions.
For a long while, it seemed that he could do no wrong. From graphic novels, he transitioned to writing full-length fantasy novels, which almost automatically became bestsellers. High-profile friendships and collaborations with other popular artists such as Tori Amos, Alan Moore and the late Terry Pratchett seemingly upped his artistic credentials. Meanwhile, on-screen adaptations of his books in later years ensured that he gained new fans from younger generations.
The allegations
In July 2024, a podcast called “Master: the allegations against Neil Gaiman” was released, which detailed various accounts of sexual assault that the author allegedly perpetrated against multiple women. While this produced enough buzz to generate online discussions, it was not until the January 2025 publication of the article “There is no safe word” detailing these same allegations (and more) that the issue gained widespread public scrutiny. Instead of anonymous subreddits, the discussions were thrust out in the open, causing the formerly well-respected author to receive near-universal condemnation. And even today, more and more people are coming out to either corroborate the victims’ allegations or make new accusations.
I was already skeptical about public figures who fashion themselves as thought leaders, whether they be musicians, politicians, religious leaders or authors. Neil Gaiman was meant to be the shining exception to all that.
At that point, there was no longer any doubt that it was a legacy-shattering event. One by one, publishing houses did not want to have anything to do with his name anymore. The situation with screen and stage adaptations of his works is mixed, with studios and production houses all initiating varying forms of disengagement with the author.
Being a long-time admirer of his, I found it excruciatingly difficult to accept the prospect of my idol being a prolific sexual predator. And I was not alone. Many other admirers, especially women, were internally conflicted because, for many years, the author was widely regarded as a progressive feminist ally. He frequently incorporated strong women as characters in his works and even advocated for women empowerment in numerous public statements.
I did go into a denial phase over this, but it was brief. The #MeToo movement has made me jaded enough to no longer be shocked when well-loved or influential public figures turn out to be horrible people. But this does not in any way diminish my grave disappointment and utter disillusionment with someone who had such a positive influence in my life, especially given the scale of the misconduct alleged.
This consequently produced a lot of questions in my mind: How do I make sense of all this? Is it possible to separate the art from the artist? What happens to my book collection now? And on a deeper personal level, does this invalidate all the good things that happened in my life because of the inspiration I took from his works?
For a long time, I credited him with teaching me how to think for myself and to always have a healthy amount of doubt about everything I see, read and hear. But perhaps these learnings unknowingly prepared me for this moment. You see, my favorite irony about idolizing Neil Gaiman is the fact that he continuously demolishes the very idea of needing idols in one’s life (You can call it “planting the seeds of his own destruction” if you want. At this point, I’m open to any kind of rationalization just to soothe my own feelings of regret and shame).
Even before this unhappy experience, I was already skeptical about public figures who fashion themselves as thought leaders, whether they be musicians, politicians, religious leaders or authors. Neil Gaiman was meant to be the shining exception to all that. I was prepared to live the rest of my life occasionally quoting his best lines on social media, or introduce his works to younger generations or maybe even let my nephew inherit my book collection. Now all that is gone and the world is bleaker.
No more idols for me. I feel I’m too old to idolize people anyway. I was fortunate that my inclination to worship heroes and idols did not go beyond mere embarrassment and regret. Some people have it worse. Some do things against their own interests for the sake of their idols. And some are even victimized by them.
As social beings, we can’t avoid admiring other people. But, as Neil Gaiman’s downfall has taught me, it’s always good practice to look beyond superficial factors and instead make decisions based on things as boring as facts, logic and research.
But some day, I don’t know when, I will probably go back to my old home and I will dust off all my Neil Gaiman titles to read them one last time.
I will revisit the guilt and frustration on Orpheus’ face as he turns his head at the last moment and loses Eurydice forever.
I will be haunted by the beautiful uncertainty of the ending of Tristan and Yvaine’s love story.
I will laugh at the adventures of Crowley and Aziraphale, footnotes and all.
I will be awed by the profound but nonviolent threat that Flora makes against Lex Luthor.
And I will once again be mind blown when Lucifer, with a smile, gives Dream the keys to Hell.
I will do all those and then give a long-delayed closure to one chapter of my life forever.
